Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Codependent No More How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Three years on the New York Times bestseller list CODEPENDENT NO MORE first identified attitudes feelings and behaviors now recognized as hallmarks of codependency Checklists activities and self

  • Title: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
  • Author: Melody Beattie
  • ISBN: 9780062554468
  • Page: 289
  • Format: Paperback
  • Three years on the New York Times bestseller list, CODEPENDENT NO MORE first identified attitudes, feelings, and behaviors now recognized as hallmarks of codependency Checklists, activities, and self tests provide concrete tasks to help readers examine the nuances of codependency in their livesCOVERY AND WELLNESSAN Expert Guide to Achieving Serenity for Codependents WhThree years on the New York Times bestseller list, CODEPENDENT NO MORE first identified attitudes, feelings, and behaviors now recognized as hallmarks of codependency Checklists, activities, and self tests provide concrete tasks to help readers examine the nuances of codependency in their livesCOVERY AND WELLNESSAN Expert Guide to Achieving Serenity for Codependents Who Want to Take Care of Themselves Have you become so absorbed in other people s problems that you don t have time to identify, or solve, your own Do you care so deeply about other people that you ve forgotten how to care for yourself Do you need to control events and people around you because you feel everything around and inside you is out of control Do you feel responsible for so much because the people around you feel responsible for so little By its nature, alcoholism and other compulsive disorders create victims out of everyone close to the afflicted person Whether the person you love is an alcoholic, a gambler, a foodaholic, a workaholic, a sexaholic, a criminal, a rebellious teenager, or a neurotic parent, this book is for you the codependent This inspiring new overview of codependency by Melody Beattie, a recovering alcoholic and former chemical dependency counselor, details its characteristics, where the behavior comes from, and how it affects us and those around us Offering hope and guidance, Codependent No More discusses several options to controlling behavior and helps us understand that letting go will set us free We re so careful to see that no one gets hurt No one, that is, but ourselves Anonymous Al Anon memberCover design by David Marty

    One thought on “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself”

    1. Found this really helpful. I bet it could help you, too. In fact, I will loan you my copy. Even if you don't want it. Or I could buy it for you, even though I can't afford it. Don't walk away! I'll give you $20 if you read it. I know it will help you. You need help. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Now.

    2. This is the book that started it all. I know it is cliché but, this book has changed my life and my thinking…I was talking to my father on the phone one day and I was explaining to him how I have no problem exercising and eating right when Otty is gone but I can’t seem to keep it up when he is home. My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was called…he told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent No Mor [...]

    3. What I learned from this book? Good grief! I learned soooooo much! This book opened my eyes to the path toward self-discovery, self-love, and learning how to deal with difficult relationships. I very highly recommend this book, not just for people who live with an alcoholic, but for anyone who is trying desperately hard to fix a bad relationship, whether it's with your spouse, your parents, your childrenwith anyone you love. I learned how my upbringing has the power to wreck my current and futur [...]

    4. I knew this was a classic of the genre, but I found myself unimpressed by it. Maybe I came at it with the wrong expectations? I was thinking of "co-dependency" in a more generic sense — say, the way a married couple can be enmeshed and lose their boundaries with each other. Beattie's book instead seems dated to me, bound up as it is with the classic origins of the term "co-dependence" in the partners of alcoholics.For me, the constant references to alcohol and Al-Anon grated on me, as did ment [...]

    5. I thought I knew everything there was to know about co-dependency, but this book took it above and beyond my prior misconceptions. For anyone who has experienced emotional martyrdom and excessive guilt surrounding self-care issues, this is a necessary read! Beattie breaks down unnoticed learned behavior that's passed down through generations, behaviors that are often a result of living with an alcoholic parent or person with dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Although I wasn't directly affected by [...]

    6. practicing what I preach. I gave it three stars because I read the entire book, and I'm still codependent. I was sort of hoping this would like, cure me. Fix all my issues, sort of like the knight and shining self-help book I've always been waiting for. But it didn't immediately read my mind and meet my needs, and I was crushed. I thought, maybe if I am a better reader, it will be a happier book and then all my dreams will come true. So I tried to be perfect, I ignored all it's flaws, and I put [...]

    7. Taken from my blog at blogekuniverse/2008/02/In case it isn't already clear, I'm talking about two separate books here. One book is titled "Codependent No More" and the other is "Beyond Codependency." I picked them up at the library after hearing the term codependent used in The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. I've been interested in learning about the concept in the past and never gotten around to it.So what is codependency? The term was coined originally to describe spouses of those dependen [...]

    8. If only I had read this book 10 years ago I might not be in the mess I'm in now.This is a good book for those in crisis mode. When you're beaten down and feeling trapped and you don't know what the hell is wrong with you, you need this book, which tells you over and over and over and over again: You're okay, you're a good person. You're okay, you're a good person. You're okay, you're a good person I stumbled upon this book a little late. I had already had my crisis, realized I needed to change m [...]

    9. An eye-opening book that reveals many behaviors one adopts to handle living with someone with addiction problems, or as in my case, mental-health issues. I never realized the extent to which my relationship warped me, to some level my fault for allowing it to happen, but the book also presented a lot of ways to come to an understanding of what it means to be a codependent and also ways to combat and correct behavior. I didn't completely like the religious angles that much, though they will be go [...]

    10. I decided to read this book because so many of my clients are reading or have read it. I figured it would be a good idea to know what they're reading, especially since these clients regard it so highly but seem to be making little progress. Now I know why. What a load of crap. If the author of this book is to be believed, everyone is codependent. Furthermore, she perpetuates victimhood: it's not my fault I'm codependent. It's a natural, understandable reaction to my childhood, adulthood, blah bl [...]

    11. Quite the enlightening bookAlthough I am not dealing specifically/only with an alcoholic, there are other controlling behaviors that this applies to. Not necessarily a chemical or substance dependency. Anything that affects your behavior that you find yourself trying to control situations to avoid that behavior.Favorite Quotes:A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior. But, the heart of the def [...]

    12. As an adult child of alcoholic parents I am giving you forced "advice" to read this book. Ha! Just a little codependent joke. I just started to read this's heavy and hard to stomach at times, but definitely going to help me. I try to spend a little time with it every couple of days with a journal. So far it's been an amazing read. While it seems like I have a lot of work to do--it's all for the best. I have young children, and don't want to pass this stuff on I'm diving in and hopefully a better [...]

    13. When the author said she didn't come at this from a scientific background I was willing to overlook that until she got to the traits of codependency. If you're going to write a long list with multiple categories and then proceed to contradict yourself (sometimes within the same category) it's going to lower your credibility for me substantially (ex: Under Misc: "Codependents are extremely responsible" and right beneath it "Codependents are extremely irresponsible". This is not the only example e [...]

    14. VERY helpful book for many women, including my former self. I have read and recommended, and bought this book countless times for others. I buy every copy I see at garage sales and used book stores, knowing that shortly, someone will come into my sphere that needs it. This book is about taking care of YOURSELF, your neglected areas of living and using boundaries, both on yourself (being caretakers we frequently overreach ourselves) and on others. It clears up messy areas of emotions and I think [...]

    15. It's sort of hard to rate self-help books so I'm just going to rate this one on how helpful it was to me in particular. I would say it was 50% helpful. Simply reading its descriptions of codependency was really instructive. Lately, I've been hearing the word codependent used a lot, and most people are not using it correctly (for example, I've heard several people use it to describe couples who can't go out without each other, and that's not really what it means). Codependency has a very wide def [...]

    16. Having been raised by a codependent parent who catered to my other narcissistic parent, this book has been validating to read. I now have a better understanding of codependent behavior, and this book has not only verified what I believed, it has also allowed me to check myself for codependent behaviors. Even if you do not identify as codependent (and now I know I do not), you may find, as I did, that learning more about codependence helps put family relationships into perspective. Although I'm n [...]

    17. I am not a person who likes tough love, and it was a very hard to keep reading this book when it felt like I was being torn apart. But I was assured by the person who handed me this book, by looking at their happiness and personality, that the end must be better. Well, she was "tough love" statements through out the book. Reflecting/looking back after having read this book, and I do feel very good, and positive after all. Each chapter ended with an assignment/activity for one to complete. Usuall [...]

    18. This was an interesting recommendation from a counselor in my office. It is geared more to spouses of alcohol and drug dependant people, however I have discovered a lot of good informaiton. It is a way to help see how we give too much to the toxic people in our life and some people are just bad people. I do have mixed feelings about it because only certain parts pertained to me, but I gave it a high rating because it is well written on an average person level with real and even funny stories. It [...]

    19. This book addressed me specifically. So many of the symptoms of co-dependency have been present in my life since I was a child. I appreciated the compassionate approach to co-dependency, which came from an author who is herself a recovering co-dependent. Many friends have told me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself or that I should take better care of myself, but I disregarded this advice. It wasn't that I disagreed with my friends; rather, compliance threatened to remove the illusion of safet [...]

    20. This book was difficult for me to read as it was very confronting & made me realise just how hard it is to put myself first & how it's even harder still to be directly honest about what standards & boundaries I feel that I need especially when traumas are involved. I like how Melody makes a point to say go slow, take as long as you need to heal & to heal in your own time, not when others tell you to. I don't completely fit the codependent category so most of it didn't make much s [...]

    21. I read this book for a woman's group in order to participate fully in the discussion. It slants heavily toward alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Christianity, which served as a distraction for me since none of these are a part of my life. That being said, I definitely benefitted from reading this book. While I'm relieved to know I am not a full-blown codependent who becomes intertwined with dysfunctional people, I definitely saw myself in many of the "positive" codependent [...]

    22. Have you ever felt like someone else's words or behaviors shaped your whole day? Have you ever done something for someone else, when he was capable of doing it for himself? Are you currently in a relationship with someone who is dependent on a substance and/or is abusive verbally or physically? If so, you may be in a codependent relationship and this book may be helpful to you. It was written by a lay person and is almost devoid of jargon. This is a very practical guide to understanding and chan [...]

    23. Years ago, I did research online about codependency and was surprised to find it is not a fixed high-level diagnosis, but rather a sliding scale where just about everyone exhibits at least a mild form of it at some point. So just about everyone can benefit from this book if they read it with a toning-down grain of salt. Accountability for your own life is something we can all do a little better, whether we are blaming ALL our problems on an alcoholic, or only one or two problems on an annoying f [...]

    24. A good read for anyone who has ever had a less-than-healthy relationship with a parent, child, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, spouse, etc. (basically most people) The core of codependency is about having a dysfunctional relationship with the self, and how we turn that outwards onto others. This book is a good first step to discovering the the dynamics, and making changes to healing.

    25. This book was recommended to me a few years ago as a classic in the genre for dealing with codependent behaviours. At the time, I read the first couple of chapters and tossed it aside. What I read didn't seem to click with my experience and I felt put off by the writing. Recently, it was given as a tentative recommendation again ("you may want to look into it to see if it will be useful for you") and I thought, with a distance of a few years, why not try it again? But my opinion hasn't changed m [...]

    26. Exactly what I needed! Why did it take me so long to read this book? I have heard about it over the years but never picked it up. I guess this was the time I was meant to read it. Let go and let God. My mantra I feel like we are ALL codependent , I couldn't help thinking of all the people I know that need to read this book. Ha that's me being co depend at !!! Even bought one for my sister Now if she would just read it! It's a process I know

    27. very well written and explained. I recommend this book to any person that had or has problem of alcoholism in his or her family. It may open the doors to new life and new horizons in life. It may change the view on life and facilitate it

    28. This book was an outstanding help to me. It gave me insight and brought understanding to a lot of things that I have been struggling with since before I can remember. It has given me hope for a better me and a loving and prosperous future. I'm very grateful for having been told about this book. The only reason I gave it a 4 star rating is because the author claims this book is simply her "opinion and ideas" and not a professional literature. However I feel like that is a huge reason why this boo [...]

    29. This international best-seller is written by Melody Beattie – a woman who has lived through being kidnapped, being abandoned, being sexually abused, being a drug and alcohol addict, the death of her son and co-dependency issues: a term she coined in the 80’s. This book deals specifically for those who are dealing with partners, children, parents, friends or other loved ones that have an addiction or other compulsive, destructive tendencies. Often the attention is given to those that have the [...]

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